Ego, I find, is my biggest stumbling block when trying to communicate with other people. Not my own ego, does anyone find their own ego to be a problem? No, trying to communicate through ego. Allow me to give an analogy to the problem I often encounter.
I am travelling in a foreign city and enter a market. There is a fruit vendor in the market. As I approach the fruit stand, the vendor comes around and greets me hartily. "Ah, welcome to my fruit stand. This is the best fruit around." I spy, over their shoulder, some large oranges amongst the fruit. "Thank you." I say. "I think I will take a look at your sumptuous looking oranges." A look quickly passes over the vendor's face, but is just as quickly replaced with a smile. "There is nothing wrong with my oranges, just tell me how many you want to purchase." "Of course I am sure they are all fine oranges." I quickly insert, hoping to mollify an unexpected reaction. "I only meant I would like to pick for myself the most appealing oranges." Now the vendor's face becomes beet red and their lips drawn so tight spittle flicks out with their every breath. "How dare you imply I would lie about the quality of my oranges! I don't even want to sell you oranges any more! Begone from my stand!"
I could not even truly address the oranges because the vendor put themselves between me and the fruit. Any interest I had in the oranges was redirected to the vendor. Communicating about the fruit was impossible because of the ego, the 'I' of the vendor. Why is the vendor in the way? Most likely they feel intimately connected to the fruit, fruit from their own trees. Any perceived slight is seen as a slight on the part of the vendor. Let's try another analogy.
I am having some joint pain. It's another gout attack. I get them too frequently. I am not able to work this way, so I go to a doctor to get a note for my supervisor. The doctor is examining my ankle while I explain my history with gout. He briefly looks over my medical history and proclaims, "You don't have gout, this is a mild sprain. You can go back to work." Hmm. I have to ask, so I do. "Why don't you think this is gout. I have been having gout attacks like this for ten years." "I have had eight years of medical school and several years of practical experience. You are not old enough to have gout, your diet does not suggest gout. It looks like a mild sprain, which are quite common in your line of physical work."
This analogy really happened to me, while I was in the military. I finally convinced him I was having a gout attack by insisting on a urine sample being tested for high uric acid levels. Why did I have so much problem with the doctor? He ignored my own observations about my symptoms, he ignored the data in my medical record. His preconceived conclusions about gout and my work kept him from doing an honest diagnostic of my condition.
Ego is often used as a curse word. Used with a connotation of over-inflated sense of self worth. As I mean it, though, is putting yourself where you do not belong. Like between a cart of fruit and a potential customer. Like between a diagnosis that is virtually a foregone conclusion and a suffering patient. Like between a generalization and a fact, because you don't feel the fact fits you as much as the generalization does.
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